How You Reflect Me

My dear friend Carol and I were talking once, about what I cannot remember, in her silky wisdom she said the words, “love it into something new”.  These words have stuck with me.  I often come back to them when I am in need of a different perspective on things.

Today I read a post on FB that struck me dumb for a few moments.  The words and sentiment seemed so filled with hate.  My response was to send love to him – see his handsome smiling face in my mind and love him.  I had to ask myself though, was that love genuine?  Did I truly love him in that moment?  Was that earnest expression of love sincere when it was tainted by a sense of O!M!G! and incredulousness?  Not quite.  How do I defuse the sense of horror I feel so my love is indeed a salve?

I know he isn’t the hate.   What sits at the bottom of it?  What lays beneath it all?  That’s where the love needs to go.  It must.

What do I know of this darkness?  Yes, it is all those events – but it is also fear and I don’t feel like I “know” that.  So interesting how I can intellectualize it yet I do not feel it in my body or heart.  For this I am deeply grateful.   How am I in relation to this then?

I have certainly been is despair, in very dark fearful places  but they have been out self-loathing, not the hate of another.  One in the same.  Odd as it may sound, I learned the true depth of self-love from my Mother after her death.  Self-love is a practice.  A learned skill.  So this is how I love it into something new -love myself more.  More deeply with forgiveness for the times of self-loathing.  More sincerely.  More assuredly.  More fiercely.  For it is only self-love that fills the space once occupied by hate.

Pilamaya U.A. – I can truly send love to you now that I can understand and relate.   I see your handsome and smiling face and I love you, it heals me to do so.   Thank you.   Thank you.

Sincere true love.    Aho!


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